My tiniest, most precious gift,
It’s been nearly two years since I first heard your sweet little voice, and got my first peak at your loving, giant heart. It’s been nearly two years since the sun began to rise again, nearly two years since my world began to make sense because even though you didn’t know it, you came into my life when I felt like it was a giant game of scrabble. The people and words that I had put so much value on, seemed to be meaningless and I was left questioning who I was? What was I meant to do? Where did I fit? I didn’t know how I could put it together to show you that life was okay after illness, because even though life was–I wasn’t. But you put me back together in seconds, you didn’t say much but I knew that from that day forward there would never be a day without sunshine in my life because there would never be a day without Jess.
Now we’re here, almost two years later. So much has changed, we have changed. You have grown into this wise human being that’s learning about how life is viewed through different perspectives. You’re learning to replace your old anxieties, with excitement and that excitement into hope for your future. You’re no longer a little girl, but a mature young woman and it happened in the blink of an eye.
Your reality has changed, you went from learning that you had to fight for every single day to waking each day with a grateful heart that you get to live it. Your reality has changed, but your heart has not. You’re learning that the world around you isn’t always the kindest, that not every heart sees the good in the world like yours does. You’re learning that some people have different ways of expressing the hurt that they’ve endured in their lives, and that not everyone is able to turn adversity into beauty as you have. Some people witness the darkness, and close themselves off from any posibility of experiencing that again and unfortunately that blocks out the light too. I’m thankful that you’ve remained my little optimist, shining in the joy-filled shadow of your intelligent and soulful mother. I’m thankful that even though you are navigating the world that is big, and scary you are still taking the time to appreciate the way the sun shines through the trees, or the songs that come on shuffle when you’re getting through your day.
You’ve learned to lead, and the power in your words and presence alone. You’re learning that sickness, is not weakness; and that sickness is not an identity…or your identity. You’re learning that your world is what you make it, and that there’s a way to fit in every single thing you find important in this world into your heart. You’re learning how to be a patient, but to be a student. How to be a student, but to be an educator. How to be an educator, but how to teach and share all that you know.
I’ve said all I can say a million times. I’m in awe of your every move, and watching you grow into this young woman who has created this identity for herself that is essentially a real life superhero…it just makes me swell with pride. I’m loving, loving you and I’m loving watching you grow and change as you navigate through each day. There are so many times that I find myself questioning how I possibly could love you more, and then it happens…I find new ways to love and appreciate you and your existence and I don’t think I’ll ever run out of things to love. You’re a real class act, kiddo.
So maybe my little gift isn’t so little anymore, but as she’s growing she’s learning how powerful her voice is and in that powerful little voice are words that are packed with punch. It’s like a bug you can’t shake, more and more people are falling in love with this little girl and I am more than thrilled to share her with the world.
Keep growing and keep reaching sunshine, you’ve got this world in the palm of your hands.